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Decisions, decisions — What is God’s Will (conclusion)

The full article is available as a PDF: decisions



This is part III.  Click for Part II.  Click for Part I

Plan C D E F took shape within hours and unfolded over the next few weeks.  We postponed the start of the new job by a week.  We unpacked all of our stuff and re-packed mine.  A week later, I got in the car and drove to Illinois by myself.  The plan was that I would stay at my in-law’s house during the week and drive back to Michigan on the weekends.  My family helped Sharon out while I was in Illinois.  Sharon’s parents also spent much of the week in Michigan.  There were times that we passed each other on the highway on Friday afternoons.   So, here again I was leaving my family in the middle of a ton of chaos to go to work.  The irony in all of this is that I may have been apart from them the same amount of time if I had stayed in Michigan.  


During this time, the Michigan house sold.  The new couple agreed to finalize the purchase after Cassidy was born.  By the third week of April, Sharon was going crazy.  She doesn’t “sit” well.  The weeks progressed and Sharon continued to dilate further.  The goal was still 36 weeks. Sharon’s prayer was still ‘full term.’  When I was free in the evenings, I would either talk to Sharon on the phone or drive around looking for houses.  I was tired of being apart and I was tired of not knowing what the end game was.  I wasn’t praying much at all.  In fact, it was a pretty long dry-spell.  I am sad and angry to say that I didn’t really go to God with any of this.  I know that Sharon was praying a lot.  I know that other people were praying for us.  I just couldn’t (or refused to) 


April turned to May.  May seemed like it took forever.  I was living with the cell phone strapped to me in the event I got the call that Cassidy was coming.  I was fairly certain I wouldn’t make it for the birth, but I was going to try, no matter what.  The end of May brought Memorial Day weekend.  I knew we were drawing to a close, but Sharonwas showing no signs that Cassidy was coming. 


On Memorial Day night, Sharon was feeling strange.  We went to the hospital, but there were no contractions.  She was dilated further, but they sent us home.  I opted to take Tuesday off.  Around breakfast time on Tuesday, Sharon began having contractions — serious contractions.  Having just been sent home from the hospital, she question if she was really having contractions. Obviously she was uncomfortable so I asked her how far apart they were and she told me two minutes.  TWO MINUTES!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?   Well, we either had to get to the hospital or I was delivering the baby right there at home.  Long story short, we got to the hospital in time– barely.  Cassidy was born 40 minutes after we entered the delivery room.  Whew!  For the record, Cassidy’s due date was May 31st.  She was born on June 1.  I guess she went ‘full term.’


We hung around MI for a week and moved into my in-law’s house for a time.  It seemed like a long time, but it was really only about 8 weeks.  We made an offer on a house.  It needed some work, but I needed a few projects.  Perfect match.  There were several offers on the house the same day, including ours.  The homeowner met our kids at one of the showings.  Apparently she loved our kids (or took pity on me), because although we were not the highest bid, she wanted us to have the house.  We live there to this day!


Now, almost four years later, I have taken time to look back on the events of 2003 and 2004.  I learned many lessons.  Sharon and I disagree somewhat over whether or not we were ever supposed to go to Michigan.  I believe we were.  I also know that I did not bring this before God nearly enough.  We learned that when we have those gut level feelings, we need to pay attention.  We also need to share those feelings with each other.  Sharon was having serious reservations about some of the people we would be working for/with.  She did not voice those concerns to me.  I had the same feelings, but chose to ignore them because I really wanted to go to MI. 


When God gave me a second chance to rely on Him and his provision to get me out of the storm, I ignored Him again.  Not totally, but I know now, that this was all about my plan, not His.  I didn’t pray near enough about this.  I didn’t seek wise counsel enough.  Maybe since it was my plan to move to Michigan, I had to make it about My Plan to fix it. 


I know this:  God still worked in spite of my failing to follow His will.  I know that Sharon’s prayers got us through.  I know that the prayers of others got us back on the right track.   I can only wonder how it would have all turned out if I had actually followed His plan.  I know that my plan derailed His plan.  Yet his plan is much bigger, in the long run.    I have days where I wonder if the whole series of events was His plan.  If it was, I wonder what else I was supposed to learn.  If I am where I am supposed to be right now, what am I supposed to be doing?  I like being where I am now.  I am seeking His will and we have a relationship again.  Through it all, God provided. 


One final note:  I don’t believe for a second that God’s path will always be easy.  I do know that if I am on His path, I will be at peace no matter what the circumstances.  God is good. 


One Response

  1. that’s quite a story and I there were a couple of ‘yup, been there, done that’ moments.

    This is what I think I know:

    I AM his child.

    His children are ‘predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son’. No matter what you take on the doctrine of election, everyone seems to agree on that onet.

    God will do whatever it takes to do the ‘conforming’.

    It’s all to His glory.

    How his children handle the same ‘stuff of life’ everyone else does is sometimes the best witness of all – and sometimes it gets REALLY tough.

    Yours is a great testimony!

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